TRIALS AND TRANSCENDENCE
Bicycles are thought to represent the moving circle of life; hope and progress; freedom and control; and to me, childhood memories, my father, and the things I have left behind. When I think about where I am in my (semi) adult life, I feel as if I am stuck in an era of confusion and uncertainty. I am left wondering if I have exaggerated my previous experiences or underplayed them. I wonder what would have happened if I had a more positive relationship with my father for a longer portion of my childhood. I wonder if he would be proud of the person I have become. I think about why I am so stuck on the past, and why nostalgia and old memories control a majority of my daily thoughts. This idea led me to think about my identity. In some ways, I think our identity is ever changing and many of us will always struggle to completely understand it. This then led me to think about my childhood identity and how that has shaped my current one. All of the events that occurred in my childhood - my father being unfaithful to my mother, my parents separation, and my father's unexpected death - were all things that were completely out of my control. I desperately tried to maintain control over my life and take on responsibilities that I was not yet ready for. In my art, I attempted to explore this idea of growing up before you are ready and trying to control the uncontrollable.